1. You must invite every child in the class to your child's birthday party. It would be just too upsetting for a child not to be invited. - Hang on a minute, how the hell would a 5 year old child know she hasn't been invited to a party unless her parents tell her!!! Most of the kids' parents can't even be bothered to ferry them to every party anyway so what the hell is wrong with your child just inviting her friends? Worked for us back in the day when we lived in a free country.
2. You must not bring a gift as no-one wants a load of cheap presents (a load of presents because we have to invite the whole f"cking class!!!). Instead, please put between £7.50 and £10 in an envelope and then the parents of the "oh so lucky birthday girl" can buy her something really nice. Words actually fail me on this one!!!!
3. You must not go to work. This is partly because your child(ren) need ferrying to every single extra curricular activity on the planet and because the school needs volunteers for the school bonfire, the school fete, the making of school costumes, the school book sale, the school open day... - For this rule read "You must not have a life of your own"
4. You must not see the irony in the fact that you are spending thousands of pounds or moving house or cheating the catchment system or going to church weekly to educate your daughter in the best school you could manage to get her into so she too can have a fantastic career and a life she will think (from your example) she must give up after having children.
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